Rating: R (for toys) — Don't try this at home, kids.
Word Count: 380
Summary: My entry in today’s impromptu “Buffy slays something with a kitchen implement and has sex with Spike afterwards” ficathon. What more is there to say?
Ficathon notes: Apparently, it’s all the fault of gabrielleabelle and penny_lane_42. As if that surprises anyone. Follow these links for entries from:
angearia Kitchen Battle Royale
beer_good_foamy Pull Out The Pin
stormwreath (see summary for title)
dorians_kitten Gone Before Dawn
“What is that thing, anyway?” asked Buffy, wiping the hair out of her eyes with the back of one wrist and pointing at the offending object.
“Rugalach demon, pet,” said Spike from the kitchen door, where he had appeared just as the commotion on the porch died down.
“No, I mean this thing.” She bent over and yanked on the handle of the mystery object, which came loose from the dead demon’s chest with a squelching sound.
Spike took it from her and held it up for a closer look. It was wide but slightly pointy, with vertical channels and a knobby handle.
“Right. Let’s get it cleaned up a bit.” He skirted around the overturned utensil drawer and headed for the sink.
Buffy righted the drawer and began to refill it from the jumble on the floor. “I don’t know what half of this stuff is. I mean, what could this possibly be for? Is it even necessary?” She gestured with a small device that seemed to consist of four tiny holes and a handle.
Spike turned from the sink, shaking the excess water off the knobby thing. “That is a zester, Slayer. For getting the zest off lemons and whatnot. And this, love, is a reamer.” He held it out to her, rounded point up, tongue peeking between his teeth. “For the juice.”
“You are so full of it, Spike.”
“I could be.” He waggled his brows.
“That’s just…” She stopped, flushing. “Um, you did say ‘reamer’, right?”
He looked at her expectantly. She took the reamer and hefted it in her palm, then tucked it into her back pocket with a smile.
“Let’s stash Rug Lock here out behind the shed.” She picked up the demon by what passed for its armpits. Spike shrugged, then picked up its feet. They maneuvered down the porch steps. “Then we’ll see if we can squeeze any juice from a vampire.” He nearly dropped his end. He wasn't sure he liked the glint in her eye. Well, he did, but she didn't need to know that.
“I’m starting to rethink this plan…”
“It’s either that or the zester, mister.”
“They say I’m evil.”
“Not lately, they don’t.”
“Oi, no need to get nasty.”
“You know you love it …”
And on it went, until they found something more interesting to do with their mouths.
A/N: Check out this visual aid. I’m not exactly sure which one was in the Summers-Pratt kitchen, though those wooden ones look extremely dangerous. Just for fun, get a load of the center one in the third row! I had to check that I was really in the Home and Garden section and not “novelties”. Wowsa!