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Fic: Up With Chocolate!

Title: Up With Chocolate!
Author: Rebcake
Word Count: 923
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Spike/Illyria (sort of)
Summary: While on a mission, Spike introduces Illyria to a new taste sensation.
Set during Angel Season 5.
Also posted at nekid_spike for the nekid_colour (chocolate) prompt and at still_grrr for Prompt 103: Down With Love.

Spike motioned toward the locked door of the factory.

“Have at, Highness.”

Illyria observed the door intently for a few moments, then kicked it in with little effort. Spike strode into the darkness, scanning for any movement of their quarry.

“See? Isn’t this more fun than wandering the halls of Hell, Inc?”

“Your petty amusements are of no importance. I have agreed to aid you with your task. That is all.” They walked past towers of empty packing boxes and rivers of swooping assembly lines.

“Right, like you’re not itching for a bit of violence.”

“Itching is a revolting occupation of human refuse. A god-king of the primordium does not itch.” They pushed through a set of large double doors, and found themselves in a room with a dozen huge, humming vats.

“Ahhhhh,” breathed Spike. “You smell that?”

“The odors of everything in this world of men are equally repugnant to me,” she sniffed, then stopped, stock still.

”I wish to know more of this vapor. Explain.”

“Heh. Never met a bird yet didn’t have a thing for chocolate,” smiled Spike.

He swung up the stairs leading to one of the vats, collected a sample, and jumped back down, holding out a glass tube filled with thick, warm, liquid chocolate. She examined it with cocked head and unwavering gaze.

“It is not a live thing, yet it hums with energy. I feel strangely attracted. I wish to interact with it.”

Spike chuckled. “Interact all you want. Generally, what people do is eat it.”

He handed her the tube. She held it in her hand, looked upward, and closed her eyes. She slowly inserted a finger into the tube. When the tip touched the chocolate, her eyes snapped open. She gasped and began to tremble.

“It is full of comfort, excitement, and affection. These are human emotions, degraded, and yet …” she collapsed on the floor, convulsing.

Right on cue, the Boretz demon they were tracking leapt from its hiding place and charged toward them.

“Bloody hell! C’mon Blue, up and at ‘em!” Spike snatched the tube of chocolate out of her grasp and threw it at the head of the oncoming Boretz. It yipped when it smashed into its face, but was otherwise unaffected. Spike moved to intercept it before it could reach the insensible Illyria, and delivered a flying kick that tumbled the beast back into the piping beneath one of the vats. The monster crashed about, but soon reemerged, growling ominously.


He slid his eyes around, to see Illyria struggling to get to her feet, one hand clutching her wrist, finger extended. She swayed.

Spike held up his hand to the growling Boretz in a "wait there" gesture while he backed slowly toward the god-king. When he reached her, he grabbed her hand and sucked vigorously on the dot of chocolate on her fingertip, until every trace was gone. Wasn’t bad stuff, actually.

Illyria shook herself, then strode toward the Boretz, which seemed caught between attack and retreat. It finally made its move. With one mighty blow, Illyria sent it flying directly into the side of one of the tanks, leaving a ragged hole as it disappeared inside. The chocolate began to slowly ooze out onto the floor, but not fast enough to save the Boretz from drowning in chocolate.

Illyria stepped back as the lake of chocolate spread toward her armored feet.

“The sensations aroused by this substance are pleasant to me. It is the only pleasant thing I have found in this world of squirming people. I wish to interact with it, but in a place of fewer distractions. You will aid me.”

“Now, isn’t that interesting,” Spike grinned. “Alright then. Nobody has yet accused ol’ Spike of denying a lady her pleasures.” He looked around for a container, and gathered up a bucket of the good stuff, avoiding the Boretz-contaminated chocolate. “I think we’re done here. My place?”


Illyria sat stiffly on the utilitarian couch in Spike’s basement living room. He sat in front of her on the coffee table, the bucket of chocolate beside him.

“Ready, Blue?”

She regarded him emotionlessly. He dipped a finger into the bucket, and brought a bit of the cooling chocolate up to her face. His digit wavered a bit, and then placed a dab on the tip of her nose. Her eyes rolled up at once and she fell back and began to pant.

“There is so much feeling…I should despise…it’s wonderful…too much!” she cried.

He quickly lapped the dot from her nose, and waited for her to pop him one.

She shivered, and slowly opened her eyes. “Is this feeling, this ecstasy, something all humans experience?”

“Well, yeah, but not usually from chocolate. More often, it’s ‘cos of love. Or, the next best thing, anyway,” he said ruefully.

“It should be reserved for the gods.”

“Don’t be a killjoy, Queenie. You can enjoy yourself without ruining everybody else’s fun. Once you get into the habit, I mean.”

“I will interact some more.”

Spike obliged by painting a thin line of chocolate on her bottom lip. She screamed and jerked, and soon fell limp. He carefully licked all the chocolate away.

Her odd blue eyes opened, and he was shocked to see a softness in them. She smiled lazily.

“I discern that chocolate is better than love.”

He took a fingerful of chocolate from the bucket and settled beside her on the couch, licking it thoughtfully. “More reliable, I suppose,” he sighed. Nobody could say his life wasn’t interesting.


If you haven’t already, please go check out c_woodhaven’s Ultimate Sin. Delicious! Spuffy! NC-17! Chocolate-y!
Illyria's extreme reaction to chocolate here was inspired by an incident in the Terry Pratchett novel, Thief of Time.
At least one of Illyria's lines here is taken directly from the Angel Season 5 episode Power Play.



( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 1st, 2009 11:20 am (UTC)
I found very amusing the way you took that well known botanical name for chocolate and used it in this matter of fact way! Also liked very much the little erotic progression from tip of the nose to lip to...settling on the couch; with the classic fade-to-black ending.
Off to Ultimate Sin, then!
Feb. 1st, 2009 03:44 pm (UTC)
You give me too much credit. Off your comment, I looked it up, and only now know that Theobroma means "food of the gods". *um* I mean, well, yes, I meant that all along, of course!

Thanks! I'm so glad you like it. Thanks for commenting. I learned something, too!
Feb. 1st, 2009 05:54 pm (UTC)
Feb. 1st, 2009 02:25 pm (UTC)
“I discern that chocolate is better than love.”

She could be right!
Feb. 1st, 2009 07:42 pm (UTC)
I think I prefer a world where you can have both!
Feb. 1st, 2009 02:34 pm (UTC)
Hee! I loved it. Just the right mix of humor and unlying sadness.
Feb. 1st, 2009 07:44 pm (UTC)
Being a Spuffy gal, AtS S5 is always depressing for me, even when it's funny. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for commenting!
Feb. 1st, 2009 02:46 pm (UTC)
Illyria is a very sensible woman - er, god-king.

Edited at 2009-02-01 02:47 pm (UTC)
Feb. 1st, 2009 07:45 pm (UTC)
She's sort of the Anya of the show, that way, isn't she?
Feb. 1st, 2009 04:02 pm (UTC)
Oh, I was thinking of Thief of Time as I read. Glad Illyria didn't just dissolve like the Auditors though! And nice 'theobroma' play as well. A very satisfying Sunday read (though now, dammit, I must have chocolate).

Feb. 1st, 2009 08:02 pm (UTC)
When I saw mere_ubu's birthday doll!fic to c_woodhaven, with Illyria standing next to a vat of chocolate mousse, it seemed like a natural! It's been awhile since I read Thief of Time, but the image of the ex-Auditor (can't remember her name) committing ecstatic suicide by doing a half-joiner into a vat of chocolate is an image that's hard to shake.

I'm glad you found this satisfying. So far, everybody (except poor Spike) seems to be.
Feb. 1st, 2009 05:57 pm (UTC)
“It is not a live thing, yet it hums with energy. I feel strangely attracted. I wish to interact with it.”


What a fun story. I love that Illyria has an achilles heel, and that it turns out to chocolate! What a clever idea, and well executed.

And now I'm trying very hard to avoid eating the chocolate I have sitting my my dining room-- it's a gift, and I don't need to eat it. I don't! Cheerios are fine! Step back from the chocolate!
Feb. 1st, 2009 08:10 pm (UTC)
I'm so pleased you had fun with this. I was trying to give poor Illyria some compensation for all she's lost, rather than bestowing a weakness. Perhaps that bit of consolation is the same thing, in the end. Still, she's a gal badly in need of a silver lining.
Feb. 2nd, 2009 01:20 am (UTC)
Illyria's not too far off human if she's figured that out. *g*
Feb. 2nd, 2009 06:01 am (UTC)
I figured there was probably some common ground. And, she does seem to really like plants...

Thanks for commenting!
Feb. 2nd, 2009 02:32 am (UTC)
Fun, fun, fun!
Itching is a revolting occupation of human refuse. A god-king of the primordium does not itch.

Well, of course not. *sniffs* So undignified!

Your Illyria voice and mannerisms are perfect, and I love the premise. *lol* I sincerely hope that she and the chocolate have a long and fulfilling relationship. Good on Spike for helping her find a consort suitable for a god-king.

All of this is reminding me that I have a bag of Lindt squares in the kitchen that I really need to interact with more often. . .

Edited at 2009-02-02 02:32 am (UTC)
Feb. 2nd, 2009 06:15 am (UTC)
Re: Fun, fun, fun!
Well, maybe she didn't think she had an itch, but Spike found a way to scratch it anyhow! He's awfully good at that...

Yes, I'm rooting for those crazy kids, too! Illyria and chocolate, they've got their whole lives ahead of 'em. So cute together.

Thanks ever so for the kind words!
Feb. 4th, 2009 02:29 am (UTC)
Hah, this was fun. I really enjoy Spike and Illyria together, and am always up for seeing more of them.

Itching is a revolting occupation of human refuse. A god-king of the primordium does not itch.


Very nice. :)
Feb. 5th, 2009 04:37 pm (UTC)
I'm so pleased you enjoyed this. I'd say I enjoy these two together, but truthfully I enjoy either of them with practically anybody! I do think Illyria protests too much about that itching thing, though.

Thanks for commenting, dahlink!
Oct. 21st, 2009 02:27 am (UTC)
I wish to know more of this vapor.

Hee! I'll bet she does!

Chocolate, the food of the gods. (Wants some Godiva. Right now.)
Oct. 21st, 2009 05:22 am (UTC)
If you want it, you should have it. One of these days, I'll get you some Spred. Just you wait. But not with bated breath or anything drastic like that. ;-)
Mar. 4th, 2011 08:28 pm (UTC)
mmmm reserved for the gods, indeed!

I love the way you describe the paroxysm of chocolate-induced joy!
Mar. 5th, 2011 01:13 am (UTC)
Tee! We colonials are awful about letting just anyone try for the good stuff, eh?

Thanks so much for commenting, and I'm glad the chocolate-love came across loud and clear for you!
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )



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